I was Put here to Change the World
As a child I knew this… I was called to past lives, the occult, the unseen as early as I could read. I was the weirdo in the library scouring the forbidden section trying to piece together the things I knew in my soul.
But I was squashed. By well meaning loved ones and mentors, forced into a box of reality too small for the magnitude of my light.
Their fear shaped them and in turn they tried to protect me. It was done for love, but it wasn’t from love.
I hid my light to appease others. To fit in. To be a good girl. I acquiesced and self-abandoned left and right. Cause that’s what I was taught would keep me safe.
Did it really keep me safe?
Not a chance! I was unhappy (though doing all the right things). I chose people who told me who I was and how to behave.
A junior high friend wrote me a list of what I should do to be cool. In trying to win her approval, I dutifully obeyed. Dang, more people telling me who I should be.
By my 40s I knew my playing small was simply self-sabotage. Instead of letting the world tell me who I was I tried a radical practice… how about if I tell the world who I am instead.
I burnt down my birth name, my Akashic Record, my business, and my life in order to become self-created.
​
It is from this reclamation, the honoring and adoration of my Gold that I know how to lead and love you!
I Was Born For This
New Moon Baby
In my damn birth, I choose this glorious portal of arrival on a freakin’ new moon. What’s the even mean? As a New Moon baby, I am here to do things in a NEW WAY. I don’t follow, I lead. I bring fresh perspective to every situation and see in every facet of reality how things can be better. And... I can’t do this alone. I need YOU who plays a crucial role. You whose gold is so freakin' rad to play with me so we can change this thing together. Huzzah!
Projector Puts you Into Purpose
I found Human Design in 2014. Projector, yup. It made perfect sense. Human Design helped me accept me and gave me so much compassion for others. I’m not lazy, I don’t have a finishing gate! I’m not autistic, I just have no tolerance for shallow conversations. There’s nothing wrong with me, I am perfectly designed. I’m not here to work, get wiped by a 9-5 paradigm, and need to sit my ass in a coffee shop to get creative momentum. I am perfectly made to ensure the world changes! You too are perfectly designed even if you have no clue what HD is. You don't need to, love. YOU ARE ALL YOU'VE EVER NEEDED! As a Projector I see the Big Vision and know the pieces that need to be in play to make it happen. Visionary and Delegator. I see you with crystal clarity and can often identify purpose when we connect. I don’t mean to tell you what to do, its just striking clear for me what you are here to do. I want you to do it more than anything. You doing YOU will get us collectively closer to making the world better for all! I can recall outlining an inspired business for a client years ago. It was the coolest, the raddest act of creation (pssst it was a tapestry placed on your body to hold chakra aligned crystals). She never did it and the world missed out. When I call forth your greatness it’s not because I’m telling you what to do it’s because I see where your unique perfect majesty fits into the bigger picture. I see that when you do YOUR GOLD the world is better because of it!
Uranus 1st House
Don’t let the astro talk trip you up. Uranus is a planet of expansion, of new tech, of truly NEW. I am bold, imaginative, and infinitely resourceful. Sure this is cool enough to hang out in on my own, but I am a woman designed to love you into being. To inspire in you the Gold within and help you bring it into being. I call in the NEW ways and am designed to bring massive expansion into being. I love collaboration and nothing gets me more ecstatic than seeing you do you without any darn hesitation. Your Golden Authority is so sexy it makes me quake.
I have trained lifetimes to be here now
Or so proclaimed loudly one of my guides during my first ceremonial mushroom experience.
​
All night I sat with her and wept as she showed me the investment in me life after life.
I am built for this time now. I am built to awaken the gold, the treasure, in the HEART OF THE FEMININE. I am blessed (freakin blessed, not just fortunate) to blast a wave of love into reality so big it quakes.
​
I have been priestess, shaman, tantrika, wise woman, witch, oracle, sister, mother, daughter, lover. Magick isn’t just ingrained in me it is the core of me. To bridge the ancient and the now into new ways. To bring a frequency of radiance in so big that will be felt by those who know it as YOUR PURPOSE, too.
“You cannot fail.”
She whispered to me that night. Fuck.
It felt like pressure. An ultimatum from a divine being.
My failure wouldn’t just let me down, but it put at risk the whole of humanity, of our expansion, of our evolution.
This was way back in 2015 -- I was unhappily married, emotionally broken and fragile. Even cleaning would bring me to tears (literally babe, I can remember crying on my hands and knees as I tried to organize a room before guests were coming.)
All my energy went into preservation… to just make it through the day felt like a chore.
There was no option for expansion. I didn’t have the luxury to develop a relationship with my kid, the best I could do was keep her alive.
And I was barely alive myself. Going through the motions each day. Avoiding confrontation with my husband, trying to keep the peace. And trying like heck to silence the growing knowing within me that I had to get out.
Sure, I was more successful than many in my field. I was profoundly healing others through my work, yet I was quarantined off from many parts of myself.
Core pieces, primal and basic, that had no time to be tended.
Pssst short story, I did leave! Realized he was a narcissist and spent years rebuilding myself back through self-love and shadow hunting.
None of it was easy, seeing how my smallness was not just fostered but encouraged was the real gut punch of it all. I was raised to find a narcissist, someone who told me how to be, how to look, and how to act. By my lovely well intentioned parents, I was prime picking for a narc.
By the way generational codependency is a cunt. But it’s precisely why YOU are here, why I am here. To change this shit!
​
​
Nearly a decade later I sit with the revelations of that ceremony.
“I cannot fail,” she said.
I cannot fuckin' fail!
YOU CANNOT FAIL!
This is no longer a harbinger of doom. Nope its a damn promise from spirit that when I allow myself to step all the way into my light and do as I’ve been trained to do I cannot fail.
Game on!
Even as I kid, I was tuning into sources others could not hear.
Working with clients has always been part of my mission. Singing bowls and my staff have done me well. 2012
Ceremony is my love language. A time of devotion to the divine. 2016